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Berry's World
Saturday, December 20, 2003
 
STILL GETTING HIS FOOTING

You really have to feel for Bill Bavasi, the new General Manager of the Seattle Mariners. Bavasi was the GM for the Anaheim Angels from 1994 through 1999, laying the foundation for their stunning victory in the 2002 World Series, although he wasn't around to share in the celebration. As the new GM for the Mariners, Bavasi has made two trades.

Sort of.

In the space of a week, Bavasi traded Carlos Guillen for 91-year-old shortstop Omar Vizquel, only to have Vizquel fail his physical. Because Vizquel couldn't pass the physical, due to his bad knee, the trade was called off.

Now, Bavasi traded malcontent 3rd basemen Jeff Cirillo to the New York Mets for outfielder Roger Cedeno. The only problem is that Cirillo's contract limits the teams to which he can be traded, and the Mets aren't on that list.

Here's Bavasi's spin on the matter:

"We had a deal worked out with a club, but the player has contractual rights, and he exercised his rights," Seattle general manager Bill Bavasi told the Seattle Times. "So he is still a Mariner, until told otherwise."

Translated into non-spin, Bavasi is saying we are so desperate to rid ourselves of Jeff Cirillo that we attempted to violate his contract, and frankly we're stunned we didn't get away with it.

On a purely personal note, I think Bavasi is smart baseball guy, and will probably to a good job in Seattle, but I rooting against him. I still hold a grudge against the Mariners for the 1995 one game playoff that cost the Angels the A.L. West title.
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Thursday, December 18, 2003
 
I GUESS WE'RE PLAYING FOR KEEPS NOW---I GUESS THE KIDDING AROUND IS PRETTY MUCH OVER, HUH?

You can't begin to imagine the shame and embarrassment I felt when the FBI laughed at me when I told them I had the feeling that somebody was out to get me. They kept yammering on about proof, or evidence and couldn't understand that I have a 'bad vibe'. I mean, it's well known, at least in my family, that my bad vibes are like getting a dead fish in the mail. If I get a bad vibe about you, you might want to start getting your affairs in order.

Well, whoever is after me has struck me where I live. Through what I can only surmise is some sort of virus, my computor has gone haywire. When I turn it on, what appears to be an official Windows message headlined %THISDIRNAME% and a message saying that if I modify some 'un-named' file, my program files would not function properly. God, I can't believe they took out my computor. The bastards! I mean, right now, at this very moment, I'm typing on a laptop! What am I, Amish?

So, who is it that wants to take me downtown to Chinatown? Well, I have my suspicions:

The NFL?
Attorney General Ashcroft?
The Amish?
Lindsey McKinney? I think she's really pissed at me.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Whitney Houston?
Adrienne Samen
President Bush?
Dennis Miller?

Well, whoever it is, I'm on to you, which is reward in itself.
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Tuesday, December 16, 2003
 
WELL, THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG

I had a feeling that Diane Sawyer's interview with President Bush was going to be a love-fest, but I didn't think that Sawyer would tip her hand so early. In the first 10 minutes, we get this exchange:

SAWYER: You have said, "Wanted, dead or alive." Were you sorry it was alive?

PRESIDENT BUSH: I'm glad that chapter in Iraqi history's over with.

SAWYER: One way or the other?

PRESIDENT BUSH: Yeah, absolutely. And — because, see, there were some people who were told that Saddam is coming back and, therefore, shouldn't risk anything for peace and freedom. And now they know he's not coming back, and I look forward to the trial. We had an interesting discussion yesterday which I'll be glad to share with you my sentiments, if you'd care to hear them, about how I think he ought to be tried by the Iraqis. ...


Sadly, Diane didn't realize that President Bush did say "And there's an old poster out West, I recall, that says, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive.'", but he was speaking of Osama Bin Laden.
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I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A HORROR MOVIE

A commercial for the new flick Peter Pan opens with a feminine voice saying "Come away...Come away to Neverland."

I would expect that kind of an offer to send children screaming from the room.
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I DON'T GET IT, BUT IT MAKES ME LAUGH

This from 3AM:

Wicked Whispers

Which footballer gets his kick getting his lady to dress up in footie gear and romp around the bedroom? The only problem is he secretly supports his clubs greatest rivals - and likes nothing more than to get his way with her in their colours.


I can't explain it, but it makes me giggle.
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WHEN WINNING IS WORSE THAN LOSING

Kobe Bryant's defense team has filed numerous motions, but would have done well to leave one out. While most of the motions pertained to the credibility of the accuser, one motion sought to bar an interview with Bryant and the use of Bryant's T-shirt that allegedly has the accusers blood on it because Bryant wasn't read his Miranda rights.

While the only thing Kobe's defense attorneys are looking to protect, and rightfully so, is Kobe's freedom. But imagine the life Bryant would lead if he got off on such a technicality. He would become guilty by default. While he would more than likely be able to play professional basketball, he would still lead a life that would make OJ Simpson pity him.

What Kobe should do is advise his attorneys that they have destroy the idea that he raped his accuser, and forget about the technicalities.
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AFTER MIDNIGHT, WE'RE GONNA SHAKE YOUR TAMBOURINE

Sherrod Brown put together a nifty little list of early morning action in the House of Representatives:

At 2:54 a.m. on a Friday in March, the House cut veterans benefits by three
votes.

At 2:39 a.m. on a Friday in April, the House slashed education and health care
by five votes.

At 1:56 a.m. on a Friday in May, the House passed the Leave No Millionaire
Behind tax-cut bill by a handful of votes.

At 2:33 a.m. on a Friday in June, the House passed the Medicare privatization
and prescription drug bill by one vote.

At 12:57 a.m. on a Friday in July, the House eviscerated Head Start
by one vote.

And then, after returning from summer recess, at 12:12 a.m. on a Friday in
October, the House voted $87 billion for Iraq.


Golly, I'm sure it's simply a coincidence that this kind of stuff happens when nobody is paying attention.
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I'VE NEVER SEEN ANN COULTER IN PERSON

"Have you ever seen Ann Coulter in person? It's like seeing a rat. It's like, ewwww!"

Tina Fey, at the New York Magazine Awards.
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Monday, December 15, 2003
 
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT

How can Stephen Colbert be so side-splittingly funny on The Daily Show, yet be so mind-achingly annoying on those Mr. Goodwrench commercials?
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THE WINNER OF SURVIVOR

Once again I am proud to tout my Ripken-like record of avoiding any and all prime-time reality shows, and boast that I did not watch the Survivor finale last night.
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Sunday, December 14, 2003
 
ALIVE?

I would have bet any amount of money that Hussein would have been killed before allowing himself to be captured alive.
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