Berry's World
Friday, June 25, 2004

Katie Fairbank, in the Dallas Morning News, has a glowing profile of Shaquille O'Neal. The profile is so glowing, in fact, it includes this immortal line:

"Aside from leading his team to championships, he attracts fans with his rap music."

Oh yeah, all of the Shaq Fu fanatics decided they liked basketball after hearing Shaq rap.

"Fuck yourself."

Vice President Dick Cheney to Senator Patrick J. Leahy on the Senate floor.
Thursday, June 24, 2004

I think Mark Cuban has officially crossed the line from ‘lovable everyman’ to ‘irritating dork.’


Tuesday, June 22, 2004

The Los Angeles Lakers just can't catch a break. They lost to the Pistons. They 86'd Phil Jackson (Rudy T? Come on!). Shaq demanded to be traded, and it seems like he's serious.

And to make matters worse, Gary Payton has decided to come back to the Lakers next season.

If you can believe it, there's trouble on the set of Method & Red!
Sunday, June 20, 2004

As we bid farewell to another senior prank season, take a look back at some of the highlights and lowlights.

Some senior pranks were perfectly harmless (and pretty lame):

Senior Prank at N.J. School

The students blocked the driveway of the teachers parking lot forcing the teachers to park in a distant lot. The students arrived at about 4:00am, set up a barbecue grills with hamburgers, played volleyball, and had a water-gun fight. They stayed put until police showed up and ordered them to clear the driveway. None of the students got into trouble.

Some senior pranks were just bizarre:

Students Agree To Apologize, Pay To Cleanup After School Prank

Ten students who broke into Methuen High School, released hundreds of crickets and scattered some dead fish can avoid criminal charges by apologizing, paying for the cleanup and working for the School Department. Under an agreement approved by police, the students agreed to send letters to the principal, perform community service for the School Department and pay $300 each. If completed by Sept. 1, the complaints of trespassing and injury to a school will be dismissed, said First Assistant Court Magistrate Maria Teresa Abascal. But, at a hearing in Lawrence District Court this week, Abascal warned that if any one of the 10 does not comply or gets in any further trouble, all 10 will be charged. In addition to leaving the crickets and fish in the school on May 19, police said the vandals drew lewd images, broke a jar of mayonnaise, scattered desks, discharged a fire extinguisher and urinated on a rug.

Some senior pranks were amusing:

Prom Prank Ad Riles Parents

Parents opened their mailboxes to find an official-looking letter offering birth control -- and motel rooms -- for the upcoming senior prom. They were not amused -- and neither, needless to say, were the stunned administrators of the Long Island high school. "It's inexcusable, offensive and quite frankly demeaning of all individuals," Mitchell Ross, principal of the Newfield High School in Selden, said Friday in a telephone interview. The letter, an apparent end-of-the-year prank, described a "Protection Package" of "very specific birth control items," including condoms, Ross said. It also stated that "a number of rooms will be made available" for interested students at the Inn at East Wind in Wading River, where the prom is to be held June 23. The hotel, which was notified of the prank, does not rent out rooms to high school students, said Ross. The letter's official-looking letterhead actually was a "cut and paste job," Ross said. He said the school, which has about 400 seniors, has narrowed the list of likely culprits to 10 but believed only one or two students were involved.

Some senior pranks fall into the “Let’s keep a real close eye on these guys” category:

Charges Likely In School Chemical Prank

At least two arrests are expected as a result of an incident at a Thornhill high school in which a chemical scattered around the halls caused the evacuation of the school and the decontamination of 156 students. A staff member at St. Elizabeth Catholic High School on New Westminster Dr. in the Bathurst St.-Steeles Ave. area, said yesterday police are continuing the investigation but understands charges are to be pressed soon. The chemical, potassium permanganate, a powdery substance commonly found in high school chemistry laboratories, had been sprinkled liberally in stairwells and on handrails throughout the school, likely as a year-end prank.

Some senior pranks fail to prepare for an exit strategy:

Senior Prank Goes Awry In Fremont

As part of a senior prank, students released about 50 mice at American High School, sending some students screaming and scrambling for safety atop tables and prompting other students to kick and stomp the mice. "It was funny ... until people stepped on them and killed them," freshman Kriszma Sisk said Friday, the day after the mice were released during the morning brunch period.

Some senior pranks are pulled by geeks:

Senior Prank Puts Niles North High School On Ebay

For a few days, Niles North High School was the biggest bargain on the Internet. Alas, the "seller" was a member of the senior class and the auction was a joke.
The auction ran on eBay from Friday night through Monday night. It attracted more than a dozen bids. Some of the bids were teachers playing along with the joke. But others apparently were serious, including an offer of more than 14-thousand dollars. The senior responsible for the prank -- known only by the alias "mattfish86" -- says he sent an e-mail to all the bidders, thanking them for participating in the prank. Officials from the suburban Chicago school say the stunt was harmless. They don't plan to seek any disciplinary action.

Some senior pranks are clearly cries for help:

Senior Prank Soils Grounds Of Eminence School

Twelve Eminence High School students, including 10 seniors, were suspected Tuesday in a senior prank that left dead animals and manure spread around the school. The students' names were not immediately released because no charges had been filed, said Morgan County Sheriff's Sgt. Volitta Fritsche. A decision on how to discipline the students would have to be made by today, said Principal Max Hoke. Today is the last day of school, and the graduation ceremony is scheduled for Saturday. Hundreds of pounds of manure were dumped on the school doors and across the parking lot, forcing officials to delay opening classes for one hour. It took several trips with a front-end loader to remove all the manure. "I found manure everywhere," said Eminence school transportation director Mike Payne, who arrived at school at 6 a.m.

And some senior pranks are just a little bit nutty:

Senior Prank Leaves 35,000 Forks Stuck In Ground At High School

North Penn High School students trying to revive the venerable custom of the senior prank stuck about 35,000 plastic forks into two grassy areas at the school in time for school Monday morning. Even some teachers were impressed. Senior Tom McDonald said he felt called upon to do something because there was no senior prank last year, so he and others worked on the plan since the beginning of the school year. McDonald said the group set about collecting 30,000 forks — a target they ultimately passed — during lunch time and from businesses. McDonald said he sent out a phony date in February — partly to get recruits and also to throw off school officials. Then there was the matter of figuring out how to get everyone in and out without getting caught after the effort began at midnight Sunday. "Imagine coordinating 50 men in 10 cars going in different routes to the school. It was a strategic battle plan," McDonald said. Getting out proved to be more difficult than getting in. Police arrived after about an hour and a half of work and took 10 teens, including McDonald, into custody. "They were very mad because they thought we were vandalizing the school," McDonald said. "Once we told them what we were doing, they said they never laughed so hard in their life."

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