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Berry's World
Saturday, July 03, 2004
 
IT MIGHT PLAY IN PEORIA, BUT...

Fahrenheit 9/11 has been banned by Fridley Theatres, and the reason is just plain silly.

R.L. Fridley, owner of Des Moines-based Fridley Theatres, says the controversial documentary incites terrorism.

Uh huh.
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Friday, July 02, 2004
 
THOSE MAY-DECEMBER HOMICIDES

Yesterday, Christina Munoz ran out of her Garden Grove house screaming that she woke up and found her 83-year-old grandmother had been stabbed. Lillian Patburg died from stab wounds to the neck, and a short while later police arrested the aforementioned Munoz for the murder.

Last week, Samuel Moses Nelson allegedly bludgeoned his 72-year-old neighbor to death in Laguna Niguel.

What is it with these kids today?
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Thursday, July 01, 2004
 
NOW THAT WOULD BE EXCITING!

The Los Angeles Lakers have had discussions with Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski concerning their vacant head coaching job.
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HEY RALPHIE BOY

It looks like Ralph Nader has a hard time playing well with others.
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Wednesday, June 30, 2004
 
PLEASE TIP YOUR WAITRESSES

JON STEWART

We begin with big news in the race for the White House: The challenger has finally selected his running-mate. Well, the challenger to the challenger. I speak of independent candidate for president, sigh, Ralph Nader, who yesterday managed to avoid drowning in the media spotlight to announce the man who would be a heartbeat away from running a distant third. Please. Hold your applause. Camejo is an activist in the Green Party. You might remember he ran for president in 1976 on the Socialist Worker's Party ticket ... if you run a lesbian vegetarian bookstore.

Despite the devastating setback, our troops in Iraq will at least still be above Iraqi law. That's because as one of the stipulations of the transfer of power, the U.S. has extended the immunity its personnel now have from prosecution under Iraqi law. So, to sum up: as of next Wednesday, Iraqis will have full sovereignty over everything in their country, except the law stuff. And us.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Ralph Nader announced his vice presidential running mate for the election. In a related story, a tree fell in a forest and no one was there to hear it.

There's one guy who's very excited about the handover and that's President George Bush. He's thrilled about turning the power back over to Iraq. And you know why? Because he's thinking of invading them again.

Top Ten George W. Bush Complaints About "Fahrenheit 9/11"

10. That actor who played the president was totally unconvincing.

9. It oversimplified the way I stole the election.

8. Too many of them fancy college-boy words

7. If Michael Moore had waited a few months, he could have included the part where I get him deported.

6. Didn't have one of them hilarious monkeys who smoke cigarettes and gives people the finger.

5. Of all Michael Moore's accusations, only 97% are true.

4. Not sure -- I passed out after a piece of popcorn lodged in my windpipe.

3. Where the hell was Spiderman?

2. Couldn't hear most of the movie over Cheney's foul mouth.

1. I thought this was supposed to be about dodgeball!

JAY LENO

There's some good news for President Bush. According to a poll just released, President Bush's poll numbers went up from 44% to 50% because of Ronald Reagan's funeral. I tell you something, if this is a close election in October and I'm Gerald Ford, I've got to start worrying a little bit.

John McCain was out campaigning with President Bush over the weekend. And the White House said they're doing it because they are on the same team. You know kind of the way Shaq and Kobe are on the same team.

Presidential candidate Ralph Nader has finally picked a running mate. Why? You know why he has a running mate? Now he's guaranteed at least two votes.

Former president Ronald Reagan's son, Ron Reagan Jr., has attacked President Bush saying he made a terrible mistake in Iraq. President Bush is furious. He said, 'What does the son of a former president know about Iraq?

Jack Ryan, I've heard of going after the 'swing vote' but this is ridiculous!

The Commerce Department now touting positive job numbers. Over a million jobs have been created in the last three months. But most of those jobs are for lower-paid workers, or, as Wal-Mart calls them, women.

In the Senate on Tuesday, Vice President Dick Cheney got so mad, so mad at Senator Patrick Leahy, you know, he was criticizing Halliburton, Cheney told Leahy to go 'F' himself. But Leahy said it's okay, he said, 'Cheney was just having a bad day.' Which isn't really true. I mean, a bad day for Dick Cheney is what, like, three heart attacks? That's a bad day.

CONAN O'BRIEN

Yesterday in the Senate -- you probably heard about this -- Vice President Dick Cheney got angry, really angry, at a senator and used the 'F' word. Yeah, yeah. Not surprisingly, the 'F' word for Cheney is 'fibrillate.'

CRAIG KILBORN

The film ('Fahrenheit 9/11') paints President Bush as a dim, inattentive, and even corrupt leader. But on the other hand, he looks like a hell of a golfer!

The Senate race in Illinois has been thrown into chaos as Republican candidate Jack Ryan admitted he took his ex-wife, actress Jeri Ryan, to a Paris sex club and asked her to get it on with him in front of another couple. It's nice to see Republicans reaching out to Democrats.

Heard about the controversial 'Fahrenheit 9/11'? I hope George Bush isn't too angry about this film. No one wants to see Michael Moore in a naked pyramid.

Experts say Bill Clinton's book could earn $100 million. Hillary wants to burn it. George Bush wants to color it.

Saddam Hussein about to face trial and George Bush wants him executed. Not because of war crimes but because Saddam's beating him in the polls.
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
 
NEW YORK YANKEES 11, BOSTON RED SOX 3, DICK CHENEY 0

In a big night in the Bronx, the Yankees beat the Red Sox like they stole something Tuesday night, pounding the Beantowners 11-3. Things went so well for the Yankees that only one thing could cause the New York faithful to boo:

Cheney, who visited both clubhouses after batting practice, watched part of the game from the box of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and part from a first-row seat next to the Yankees dugout, where he sat between New York Gov. George Pataki and former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. Cheney was booed when he was shown on the right-field videoboard during the seventh-inning stretch.

Good thing New York isn't a battleground state.
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THREE SICKENING SCENES FROM FAHRENHEIT 9/11

I caught Fahrenheit 9/11 today, (like Kevin Drum, I'm a tightwad and caught the matinee), and considering there are already one or two reviews of the movie available on the net, I won't do that here. Overall, I think the former Calpundit has it about right.

There were, however, three memorable scenes that did make me kind of sick though:

1) A black and white film of a public beheading in Saudi Arabia. It was a little grainy, and I wasn't really sure what I was looking at, but I finally focused on the swinging of the sword just in time to catch it. For the record, it was the SECOND whack that took the poor bastard's head off of his shoulders.

2) Showing several women and children injured in the bombings of Iraq, there is a scene of a very young girl who was being treated for an arm injury. Imagine taking a big bite out of a turkey leg at Thanksgiving, and another bite, and another bite, look at the turkey leg and that is about what the little girl's arm looked like.

3) Attorney General John Ashcroft singing Let The Eagle Soar at what appeared to be a press conference. While Attorney General Ashcroft is a pretty bad singer, in his defense, he's no William Hung, although they both seem to share the innate ability to not become embarrassed under any circumstances.
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THE MOST POPULAR KING OF ALL TIME

While most hockey fans are dreading the looming lockout by the owners that could terminate (with extreme prejudice) the upcoming hockey season, fans of the Los Angeles Kings (yeah, all four of us!) got some very good news tonight.

According to the LA Times, the most popular player in franchise history will return for another season with the Kings.

Wayne Gretzky is coming back, you ask?

Nope. I'm referring to, of course, the highest-scoring left wing in NHL history, Luc Robitaille.
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Monday, June 28, 2004
 
AMEN, BROTHER

We tried it their way for 12 years, we tried it our way for 8 years, and we tried 3 1/2 more years their way. Our way is better.

President Bill Clinton, on The Tavis Smiley Show
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HOUSTON, HELLO!

Larry King doesn't mean to, but he always makes me giggle:

KING: It's a great pleasure. What a way to wind up our week in New York with Jon Stewart the anchor of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart." "The Daily Show," won the 2003 Emmy Awards for outstanding variety music or comedy series and for outstanding writing for a variety music and comedy series. "The Daily Show" earned the Peabody award for its indecision, 2000, it's coverage of the 2000 presidential election.

Jon has a book coming this fall. What's it called?


JON STEWART, HOST, "THE DAILY SHOW": "America, the Book."

KING: "America, the book."

STEWART: That is right, a tone of nation building, if you will.

KING: What's the title, Jon?

STEWART: "America, the book".

KING: That is the title?

STEWART: That is the title.
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LINE OF THE DAY

Josh Marshall takes a well-written peek at how Dick Cheney is handling things these days, highlighted by this gem:

He prefers to act in secrecy and is a man to whom government transparency has all the allure that a shaft of sunlight has to a vampire.
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WHY DO SOME PARENTS HATE THEIR KIDS?

For the record, there are AT LEAST THREE poor kids in the United States who suffer the misfortune of having really, really stupid parents.

How stupid?

These really, really stupid parents named a child ESPN.

Here's how the McCall's of Pampa, Texas made the decision to name their boy ESPN Malachi McCall:

Rebecca and Michael McCall said their son's name started as a joke after they heard on the radio about another couple naming their son "Espen."

"He looked at me and said, 'That's a cool name,'" Rebecca McCall said in Saturday's editions of the Amarillo Globe-News.


Of the three kids named ESPN, two are from Texas, and one is from Michigan.
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
 
WELL, THIS MAKES ME WANT TO RALPH

Max Blumenthal has an interesting tale of petition gathering on behalf of Ralph Nader in Arizona. Check out this nugget:

In fact, according to a volunteer for the Arizona Democratic Party who has reviewed Nader's signatures, of the more than 21,000 signatures Nader garnered, a whopping 65 percent percent came from Republicans, compared to 18 percent from Democrats.
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