Berry's World
Saturday, July 26, 2003
 
WHAT A WASTE OF TIME

The Farmer, over at Eschaton, has some comments about how Ann Coulter is a polemic ideologue who is not the most honest of people when it comes to her books, and you know, talking and stuff.

My take on Coulter is that she’s Morton Downey, Jr. with a nice ass. But I also think that she is in on the joke. She knows that the further right she goes, the more the left is gonna bitch, and the more books she's gonna sell. I really think that, gun to her head, she believes less than half of the stuff that comes out of her pie hole. She knows that the people that believe her ideas will believe ANYTHING that she says, and the people that don't believe her will never believe ANYTHING that she says.

With people like Coulter, the best thing to do is to treat her like the WNBA or Utah, and just completely ignore her. After a while, she'll go away.

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A DARK DAY

The world of romance took a beating yesterday when Newsweek announced that one of Hollywood’s elite couples separated. It's true, Liza Minelli and David Gest are no longer together. This really is shocking news for those of us who still believe in a little concept called love. I mean, I have to ask myself, if a gin-soaked, pill-popping, washed-up, talent less singer with an undeniable need for publicity and a botox-laden, zebra-hating, homosexual who just won’t admit it to himself can’t make things work, is there any hope for the rest of us?

I’m sorry, I just can’t blog right now. I think I’m going to go bite my pillow.

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HONEY, CALL THE TRAVEL AGENT!

L. Paul Bremer was the only guest with Charlie Rose tonight, and to hear him tell it, Iraq is the hidden gem of vacation spots. Four different times Bremer invited Rose to head over to Iraq to see that is not a country in chaos, but a beautiful, beach-like resort filled with fun-loving locals and wonderful bargains.

The interview might have been a little more enjoyable had Rose asked anything close to a critical question. For a while it seemed like I was watching Marcia Brady interview Davey Jones. I kept waiting for Charlie to put his chin on his hands, gaze over at Bremer, and say “Paul, you’re ever so dreamy.”

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Friday, July 25, 2003
 
WHAT COLOR IS THE SKY IN GEPHARDT'S WORLD?

Dick Gephardt, campaigning in South Carolina, missed the House vote on the Head Start overhaul bill, and it passed 217-216. The deciding vote was cast by John Sullivan, R-Okla, who was brought to the House in a wheelchair as he is recovering from a car accident. Gephardt has missed over 350 House votes this year, which is only about 90% of all votes cast.

I wonder when voters in Missouri begin to ask themselves:

What in the hell are we payng him for?


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WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE…

The negative public scrutiny of Kobe’s accuser continues at breakneck speed. Sadly, most of the horrible, nasty things that are being said about her come from the accuser's alleged friends.

We already know that Lindsey McKinney has the loyalty of your garden-variety personal injury attorney. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say that, as I wouldn’t want to insult personal injury attorneys. By the way, McKinney is now claiming that she’s been offered $12,500 to spill her guts to The National Enquirer. She says she turned them down, but whatta you want to bet she’s negotiating for bigger dollars?

Tonight’s Dateline gave us a new contender for the “Most Desperate For Attention That I’ll Say Anything Award". Scott Hodson, a University of Northern Colorado student who claims to have dated the accuser, told Dateline that the accusers trip to Texas to try out for American Idol didn’t go too well.

He said that he ‘thought’ her singing wasn’t very good, and then added that all she could talk about after the trip was how she had slept with a guy who looked like Justin Timberlake.

I know I couldn’t, but I wonder if our young friends Lindsey and Scott could withstand having their lives, from conception through this evening, held up for public viewing. I’m guessing their answer would be “Who cares? I was on TV!”

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Thursday, July 24, 2003
 
OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!

I don't like to pat myself on the back...wait a second, I love patting myself on the back, anyway as I reported back on June 30th, The Los Angeles Kings have signed free agent Luc Robitaille. Getting Luc back, for the third time, is like money from home.

By the way, if you aren't a Kings fan, you have no idea how exciting this is, and I encourage you to disregard this post.



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WHAT AN EASY CASE TO MAKE

I keep thinking that Gray Davis is in the catbirds seat. This should not be a tough case to make.

Sure California has a budget deficit problem, but where did it come from? A good portion of the 38 billion dollar shortfall is due to a lousy national economy, and the fingerprints on that belong to a Republican President.

A healthy share of the deficit is due to the electricity crisis we’ve had here in California. Who’s to blame for that? Well, the deregulation rules that led to the mess were signed into law by Republican Pete Wilson. Further, the main scoundrels that were basically gouging us are companies like Enron. I wonder how Kenny Boy is doing these days.

And look who Davis might get to run against:

DARRYL ISSA: A guy who has had SEVERAL brushes with the law, and who admits that he isn’t all that smart. He’s dog meat.

BILL SIMON: Probably the worst candidate for statewide office in the history of elections. Davis should be praying for this guy to be his main competition.

RICHARD RIORDAN: The 104-year-old former mayor of Los Angeles, who had his lunch fed to him by the aforementioned Simon last year.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: A guy whose career is highlighted by pumping iron, and pumping out bad movies. It may not be very pleasant, but Davis could hammer away at the idea that California’s Governor should have been born in California, let alone the United States.

So, I sit back and think that this deal should be in the bag inside 3 fortnights. Then, I see Davis on TV and I realize that the Governor, who suffers from a personality deficit, is going to have a tough, tough time.
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WHAT PASSES FOR TALENT THESE DAYS

While channel surfing this morning, I happened upon Matt Lauer, and I immediately thought he had a scoop. He was talking to a guy who, based on his baldhead and mod glasses, appeared to be from the future. Imagine my embarrassment when it turned out to be Harlemm Lee, who ‘won’ the Fame competition.

Fame is the NBC program that pits amateur ‘entertainers’ against each other to win, well, something, I guess. This is the type of show TV execs love because it saves them from having to pay actual professional, talented people.

Fame is hosted by the 78-year-old Debbie Allen, who has made such memorable movies as Ebony, Ivory and Jade, Women of San Quentin, and The Greatest Thing That Almost Happened. Allen's co-host is Joey Fatone, who I think was in the band NSYNC. From the looks of Fatone, NSYNC stopped recording after Joey ate the other band members.

So, Harlemm wins what is basically a Showtime At The Apollo knockoff, and tells Lauer that he wants to be a ‘vocal stylist’ along the lines of Frank Sinatra and Tina Turner. Naturally, he added, he wants to be an ‘international pop star’.

Just before I flipped the station I thought, ‘Wow, you would think even Lauer would be above whoring for NBC like this.’ But then I quickly added, ‘Ah, no you wouldn’t.’

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HOW LOW WILL JAY STOOP?

On Wednesday’s Tonight Show, singer and alleged actress Natalie Imbruglia guested and didn’t sing! Seriously. She’s pushing the new Rowan Atkinson movie, Johnny English. Based on the bad reviews the film is getting, it seems to be sort of a Mr. Bean For Dummies.

We only got to see a short clip from Johnny English, but based on it I can report with all certainty that as an actress, Natalie Imbruglia is a really good singer.

There should be a new talk show rule. If Nat is a guest, she either sings or appears naked. No exceptions.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2003
 
CALIFORNIA RECALL TIDBITS

It’s a Go!

Los Angeles TV stations are reporting that California Secretary of State Kevin Shelley will announce within a couple of hours that the Recall movement has collected enough valid signatures to force a recall election on California Governor Gray Davis.

Personally, I think the recall is an absolutely stupid idea, and I can’t believe the voters of California really want to invest 30 million dollars into it, considering we do have a little bit of a budget deficit problem. However, the recall IS legal, so I do support the recall movement’s right to try it. What this points out is that California has a really dumb law on the books, and hopefully during the next legislative session the law will be amended to only be allowed in cases of actual crimes being committed by the public official.

What’s Worse Than Being Called A Car Thief?

Well, in the case of the guy who, for the most part funded the recall movement, California Representative Darrell Issa, I would imagine it’s being a self admitted idiot. OK, OK, he didn’t call himself an idiot, but he did offer this little gem in a recent NY Times story:

"I have an I.Q. of 100 plus a little bit," he said. "I have to work real hard to get things when I read."

Don’t you think that pearl might get some serious play if Issa becomes a serious candidate? And before you start going on and on about how a regular guy overcame his lack of intellect and made something of himself, keep in mind that this ain’t the Special Olympics. Being California's governor is a big job, and we need a smart, capable person in that position. Speaking of which…


Is The Terminator In?

Rumors are buzzing that Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed necessary paperwork allowing his reps to take steps to make him an actual candidate. My only question is this:

What on earth makes Schwarzenegger, or anybody else for that matter, think he would be a good governor?

Take your time, I have all day.

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OH COME ON!

Lambert, over at Eschaton, is showing how really ridiculous one can sound when one becomes blinded by partisanship. Lambert feels that it was 'hog stupid' to kill Uday and Qusay Hussein. That is a completely 'hog stupid' thing to say.

Sometimes, no matter how much you hate the President, Lambert, you have to take a good long toke off the reality bong. In reality, Uday and Qusay were two of the most evil men on the face of the planet, and they had long maintained that they were not going to be taken alive. Don't you think that if they had walked out waving a white flag, that our military would have captured them, instead of killing them? Of course they would have. My God, it was a 6-hour gunfight, and you complain that we didn't capture them?

Lambert, this is the precise sort of post that causes some people to think that Democrats are just looking for something, anything, to complain about. It was them, or our guys, and your alligator tears about truth, justice, and the American way certainly shows that you may, in fact, be one of those Democrats that just wants to complain about something. Anything.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2003
 
MY TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

First there was the national ‘Do Not Call’ list to keep telemarketers from calling. (OK, I’ll give you that one, although can’t people just not answer the phone during dinner, or just hang up?) Then, we heard that Congress was going to start some sort of ‘Do Not Spam’ list, preventing people from having to hit the delete button when they check their e-mail. Next came, naturally, the Do Not E-mail idea.

Now, California Attorney General Bill Lockyer has filed a 15 million dollar federal lawsuit against Fax.com to prevent people from getting junk faxes. By the way, it does make me proud that my Attorney General held a press conference to announce a lawsuit that had been filed, which is remarkably similar to a lawsuit filed by Washington Attorney General Christine Gregoire in NOVEMBER, 1999!

Seriously, isn’t there anything better to worry about than junk faxes? What’s next, putting those people who deliver menus behind bars?

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YOU JUST GOTTA LOVE THE BBC

In discussing the deaths of Uday and Qusay Hussein today in Iraq, the BBC correspondent could be heard uttering these immortal words:

The two sons of Saddam Hussein can best be described as thoroughly unpleasant.

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Sunday, July 20, 2003
 
CHARLIE HUSTLE

A story on Slate details a mock trial of Pete Rose with some big name attorneys on each side.

As somebody who loves baseball, I wish we could put this issue to bed once and for all:

Pete Rose should never, ever, ever be allowed into the Hall Of Fame. He should never, ever, ever be allowed to work in baseball again.

There is one rule posted in every single major league clubhouse, and that is that you don't bet on the game. Pete broke it, and now should accept the consequences.
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AND SO IT BEGINS

The female accuser of Kobe Bryant had to expect her life becoming an open book when she leveled charges against the NBA superstar. However, I would doubt she expected to be stabbed in the back by a ‘friend’.

The alleged friend in question is Lindsey McKinney, and she gave a conflicting report to the Orange County Register concerning the accuser’s alleged overdose. McKinney claims that she had heard from the accuser’s ex-boyfriend that the accuser had OD’d on pills. McKinney then rushed to her home and found her not talking at all.

All of this indicated to the 18-year-old McKinney that the overdose was intentional, and to back up her claim she says, “I don’t think it was accidental. I was there.”

What she doesn’t say is that she was there AFTER the pills were taken. McKinney has no idea if it was intentional or accidental, but if she said that, she might not get her name in the paper. The paper gives no details on Lindsey's undoubtedly lengthy psychological education.

What is somewhat pathetic is that just a week ago, McKinney was admitting that she and the accuser had a falling out and were no longer friends.

It certainly seems clear to me that the most dangerous place on the planet is between Lindsey McKinney and a reporter that can get her some more much needed attention. And with ‘friends’ like McKinney, who needs enemies?

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