Berry's World
Saturday, September 27, 2003
 
OUCH!

Kobe Bryant was flat out brutalized by Aries Spears on tonight's Mad TV. Spears , as Kobe, did a music video in a courtroom and the lyrics would seem to indicate that Kobe had not only raped his accuser, but enjoyed it quite immensely.

Sometimes I really have to wonder how Spears doesn't get beat up on a regular basis. Here are the lyrics to a song where Spears nails R. Kelly after his, um, trouble with younger women. One would think that if Kelly had any won tons, he would have sent one his boys over to teach Spears a lesson.

Don't get me wrong, I love Spears. His mean-spirited comedy is right up my alley, but, if it were me, I'd be scared to walk the streets of Los Angeles if I were Spears.
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THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO?

(November 2004) Tom Brokaw: In a stunning political reversal, President George Bush was returned to office with California's 54 electoral votes putting him over the top in his race with Democrat Howard Dean. Bush winning California wasn't even thinkable 15 months ago, but with Governor Schwarzenegger campaigning for him, as well as the stunning coat-tails of California's Senator-Elect Dennis Miller, Bush easily defeated Dean by 6 points in the Golden State."

Not according the the California GOP.
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WHY WASN'T I CONSULTED?

I guess I should have noticed this earlier, but did you know that CBS didn't renew The Agency?

I was wondering if The Agency was going to premier tonight, and after some checking, found that it's not on CBS' fall schedule. It was just a few days ago that I was chiding CBS for the thinking, or lack thereof, in greenlighting Two And A Half Men, and now this.

CBS renews Hack, and doesn't renew The Agency. Who's in charge over there?
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WELL, THAT SAVED ME SOME TIME

I've had my sample ballot for the recall election sitting on my desk for a couple of weeks now, and I've been dreading the task of opening it up. While I'm anti-recall, and undecided on Davis' replacement, I really have no clue what the ballot initiatives are all about.

So, just before I broke down and started reading them, The Daily Kos steps in to save me from fifteen, possibly twenty minutes of reasearch. As an aside to this post, Kos gave me the 4-1-1:

(Oh, and if you're Californian, vote "NO" on all the ballot initiatives.)

Good enough for me. Thanks Kos!
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Friday, September 26, 2003
 
HAS THE LEFT LOST IT’S COTTON-PICKIN’ MINDS?

OK, I have a bone to pick with Atrios. Now, before anybody says that I pick on Atrios all the time, please do keep in mind that I read Atrios several times a day, so the percentage of posts that I complain about is remarkably low. That being said, I must wonder what in the hell Atrios was thinking with this post:

Freepers Terrorize Mother, Children

With an assist by Fox.

Steve G. has more.

-Atrios 7:38 PM


Well, I love to hear about the pranks and high jinx of the Free Republic readers, and clearly, terrorizing women and children is right up their alley, so I was hitting the link faster than…well…something really, really fast.

The first link (With an assist by Fox) is post from the Free Republic, which is a reprint of this story from Fox News. The story, basically, is this:

Carlson gave out his home phone number on CNN’s Crossfire so an e-mailing viewer could call him. Apparently the e-mailer was trying to make a point about Carlson’s stance supporting telemarketers, and asked for Carlson’s number so he could ‘direct market’ some junk in his garage. However, Carlson was ‘confused’ and he actually gave out the phone number of the Washington bureau of Fox News Channel. After receiving ‘numerous’ calls, Fox posted the story with Carlson’s actual home and unlisted number. Following that, Carlson reports he received hundreds of calls at home while his wife and 4 children were home. A disgusted James Carville said that Fox had “…scared young children to death” unnecessarily.

The second link on Atrios' post is to a post by blogger Steve Gilliard (no links, scroll down to 4:55PM today) who blames Fox News, and uses words like 'deranged', 'evil', and 'assholes'.

Well, let’s shut down the Free Republic and Fox News, right?

Wrong.

I have no idea why people are so upset with Fox News. If you read the story, Carlson brought this whole episode upon himself.

Let’s go to the Crossfire Transcript for the money section:

CARLSON: Darryl Edington of Eagle Point, Oregon, writes: "Why don't Tucker and that judge give me their phone numbers? I have some junk in the garage they might be interested in."

That's actually an excellent point. And I've defended...

BEGALA: Oh, I dare you. I dare you. I dare you.

CARLSON: Fine: (TEXT DELETED).

BEGALA: Wait. What is it?

CARLSON: Get out your pen: (TEXT DELETED). You can reach me there any time. That's fine. I've defended telemarketers. Feel free to call me. Someone is always there, (TEXT DELETED).

BEGALA: This is a bold...

(CROSSTALK)


Where it says ‘TEXT DELETED’ is where Carlson gave the number to FNC in Washington.

So, to recap, Carlson claims he’s giving out his home number, but actually gives out a number to an office of a rival organization, and HE gets mad when they do the same thing to him.

I feel no sympathy for Carlson. He knew, or should have known, that whatever number he gave out was going to get at least a few calls. If I were running Fox News, I would have done the exact same thing. If his children were scared to death, Carlson should know that the cause of that fear is looking back at him in the mirror.

As for why Atrios is singling out the Freepers, I can only imagine, he did it out of force of habit, as there is no evidence that the Freepers did anything.

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IS ANYBODY ELSE CONCERNED FOR DARRELL ISSA?

I’m thinking that with the recall going on without him, Rep. Darrell Issa (R. CA.) is having some sort of ‘episode’. I mean, how else to explain his transparent attempts to get face time on the news.

Tuesday Darrell said:

"If two major Republicans remain on the ballot, I'd advise you to vote 'no' on the recall,"

Fair enough, I guess, but how many Californians’ are undecided and waiting on Issa to clue them in? Now, we get this today:

"I give you with my wholehearted support Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger," Issa said as the candidate stood beside him beaming. "Without a doubt," he said, "only one man has been able to stand above the rest to make it clear that there will be a direction change away from the pay-to-play Bustamante-Davis way of doing business."

To be fair, there is only one major Republican on the ballot, but it doesn’t look like he’s gonna exit the race, no matter how much Schwarzenegger begs him.
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THE GOOD GUYS LOSE ANOTHER ONE

Looking at him without knowing him, you would probably be forgiven for thinking he was stodgy, dull, and a little effeminate. Ah, but the life of George Plimpton, which sadly came to an end yesterday, shows how looks can be deceiving.

Plimpton, pretty much, did everything. EVERYTHING. Author, publisher, actor, mentor, husband, father, and numerous other titles he could claim successfully. Alan Alda played him in a movie, for God’s sake. And he was the toughest guy you could ever meet.

In 1963, Plimpton talked his way into the Detroit Lions training camp so he could write about what it’s like to be an NFL quarterback. Think about that. Think about the kinds of pads, or lack thereof, worn in 1963 and how eager you would have been to try and throw a pass with the likes of Alex Karras trying to kill you.

To this day I can remember where I was whilst reading Plimpton’s story about Sydd Finch (for some reason, Sports Illustrated doesn't have it online), making me one of millions of victims of the greatest practical joke since Orson Welles had some fun with the War of the Worlds.

Like all the great people on the planet, George Plimpton left us too soon.

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I KNEW THAT WAS A BAD IDEA

I had a feeling that the recent "Talk Like A Pirate Day" was gonna come back and bite us in the ass. Because of the 'success' of "Talk Like A Pirate Day", today has been designated "Talk Like Bill O'Reilly Day".

Atrios jumped on board, as has this bizarre site.

Well, my saintly mother used to tell me when I made a face, it just might freeze and stay that way for all of eternity. Without discussing the wisdom of telling a child that a mysterious force had the ability to freeze his face forever (sleep tight, son!), I have to wonder if it's possible for that same force to freeze Atrios' brain so that he talks like O'Reilly forever.

That's a risk I'm not willing to take.
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YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE

Matt Lauer went to commercial with this teaser:

"Coming up, Whitney Houston as you've never seen her before"

OK, I'll take a shot.

Sober? Drug free? Out of custody? Married to a non-criminal? Making decent music?

I have just got to turn the channel.
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THINGS JUST SEEM OUT OF WHACK

Watching Ann Curry deliver the news this morning on the Today show, I couldn't help but wonder how in the hell we got here:

Curry delivers the sad news that Robert Palmer had passed away. They showed clips of Palmer performing on the Today show in 1999, and listed several of the hits Palmer had in his career, and then showed the obligatory picture of Palmer and the years of his life. Story time: 20-30 seconds.

Next, a grim faced Curry tells us another of our soldiers had died in Iraq. Story time: Maybe 10 seconds.

Hey, I liked Palmer too, but which story is more important?
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I'M NO TONY RANDALL

Tony Randall, at the advanced aged of 83, is having some rather bizarre fantasies. While my fantasy continues to be a heated game of "Escaped Prisoner And The Warden's Wife" with that busty blonde woman who works at my bank, Tony's fantasy is to die.

Well, there's more. He wants to die and have President Bush and Vice President Cheney come to come to his funeral only to be turned away by his loved ones.

That seems like a pretty lame fantasy to me, but, in fairness to Randall, I don't think he's ever met the woman at my bank.
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Thursday, September 25, 2003
 
A HELPFUL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

If you ever run into a former waiter or waitress who isn't a good tipper, run for your life! That is an evil, evil person with a blackened heart who would like nothing better than to eat your children.
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PARAPHRASING THE TERMINATOR

Is Arnold Schwarzenegger going to get the George W. Bush treatment, where reporters don't report what he says, exactly, but report what they were sure he meant? You be the judge. Here's an quote from Schwarzenegger:

“Everything is not fine and dandy here in California. You are trying to put wool over the people’s eyes."----MSNBC story written by MSNBC staffers and wire reports.

"Everything is not fine and dandy," Schwarzenegger said. "You're trying to pull the wool over people's eyes."----Washington Post story written by Rene Sanchez and William Booth.

While watching ABC's World News Now, it's quite clear to me that Schwarzenegger said 'put wool over the people's eyes.'

To be fair, I don't think Schwarzenegger realizes that he's using the saying incorrectly, as the debate transcipt has him using it at least two other times:

"... That you guys just did was total pre-election bogus and you know that. This is all trickery, just like the budget was trickery. This was a trick again ... because you wanted to put wool over our eyes."

and

"Remember one thing, in California we have a three-strike system. You guys put wool over the people's eyes twice, the third time now, you're out. On Oct. 7, you guys are out. It's that simple, OK?"

In any event, whether Arnold understands the phrase or not, I think this point says a lot more about the reporters than it does about Schwarzenegger.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2003
 
ED IS NOT-SO-SUBTLE FORESHADOWING FOR THE WEST WING

On the premier of Ed, we got the message that sometimes when you look forward to something so much, it's bound to be a disappointment. So, I really shouldn't be surprised that I was notably underwhelmed by the premier of The West Wing. Actually, I'm hard-pressed to figure out how a show with so much going on could be as achingly dull as tonight's West Wing.

However, if Ed taught us that too much anticipation can lead to a let down, it also taught us that if it were meant to be, it will work out eventually, as evidenced by Ed and Carol Vescey getting their freak on in the bowling alley office.

So, I'm willing to give The West Wing the benefit of the doubt. I'll just keep repeating the words Homer Simpson made famous:

They're building to something.
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RECALL DEBATE THOUGHTS

This is based completely off the top of my head and has not been sullied with any reasonable consideration at all.

Moderator Stan Statham--Saytham continually and consistently cut things off just when they were getting good. He had an odd habbit of interrupting people to tell them we had plenty of time (Pardon me, pardon me Mr. Camejo, we have three minutes left for this topic). He came off as anti- Arianna to me. The best debate moderators are the ones that you can't remember afterwards. I remember this one mainly because he acted like a bit of an ass.

Cruz Bustamante--The Lt. Governor said 'maybe you don't know' quite a few times. The first time he said it to Arnold, it worked, he did the damage and he should have moved on. After that, every time he said it, and he said it like 10 more times, he came off as condescending. He didn't really say too much that struck a cord with me. Before the debate, I couldn't see myself voting for Bustamante , mainly because I don't like the fact that 4 or 5 days before entering the recall race he said he wouldn't enter the recall race, and he said nothing tonight that would change my mind.

Arnold Schwarzenegger--Wow, couldn't you just see the confidence oozing out of him? His numerous one-liners seemed awfully rehearsed to me. In fact, almost every thing he said sounded scripted. He went on a rant about being the only candidate who had run a business. When one candidate popped up and said that wasn't true, Arnold looked at him, but he kept right on talking about how he was the only one who ran a business. It seemed like he had his answer and nothing was going to change that answer. He sidestepped every question, but only Arianna tried to pin him down.

Arianna Huffington--The most aggressive anti-Arnold candidate. I liked how she stood up to him, but I would bet that she will be portrayed as a hard-charging bitch. It seemed like Arrianna was running for Governor of the country and not California. She did take a couple of swipes at President Bush, so she scored points with me on that.

Peter Camejo--Probably came off as the best candidate on the issues, and didn't get involved in the petty squabbling. May be accused of engaging in 'class warfare', but the thing is, he's dead right. He should definitely be included in the future debates. Right now, after voting against the recall, I'm leaning towards voting for Camejo.

Tom McClintock--You have to admire a guy who believes what he believes. I disagree with McClintock on just about every issue, but I do like the fact that his opinions don't change depending on the venue.

The Debate Format--This debate turned into exactly every other debate. Candidates who wanted to memorize their talking points and not engage themselves with other candidates could certainly do so (right, Arnold?). I don't know why, but giving candidates the questions ahead of time is just plain wrong. I want a Governor who can handle the unexpected, not who just mouths platitudes that were written for him (how many George W. Bush's can a guy put up with?) The questions from viewers were stiff, rehearsed, and pretty boring.

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YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T WASH OFF, JACK

Former journalist Jack Ford is really playing for keeps with his new daytime talk-fest, Living It Up With Ali And Jack.

Ford really does have a noteworthy career. He won enough money on Jeopardy to pay for his law school career, Ford was a successful attorney, and became the original anchor for Court TV. He moved on to become the chief legal correspondent for NBC and co-anchored weekend editions of Today. Later he was an anchor/correspondent on 20/20 and Good Morning America.

Why is it so important for Jack And Ali to be successful? Well, in this world, it doesn't matter how many Peabody Awards you've won, once you bake healthy heath bars (that contain no refined sugar!) with Marilu Henner, your credibility takes a bit of a shot.

I mean, it's tough to imagine Ford, in the future, questioning a legal point with Alan Dershowitz.

Ford: But, Mr. Dershowitz, aren't you forgetting the court ruled in Bell V. Bachman that the ultimate consumer, or user, of the product may invoke the doctrine as well as the actual purchaser?

Dershowitz: Jack, is that the type of logic you used in judging "Man Makeovers"?
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R.I.P. BIG GUY

Gordon Jump, who played the bumbling Mr. Carlson on WKRP in Cincinnati, passed away Monday. Jump also played the Maytag Repairman the last few years, but I'll remember him uttering an immortal line on Seinfeld:

I'll see you in hell, Costanza.

Funny people always go too soon.
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THE END OF HUMP DAY

OK, maybe it was cute a few years ago, what with the double entendre and all, but the bloom is clearly off the 'hump day' rose, and I want everybody to stop using the childish phrase. This ban applies to everybody, but especially people who do the weather on local news.
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I REALLY DO HOPE SO

From everything I read and see, Lost In Translation is a very, very good film. I hope so. I would love it if, when I hear the name Sofia Coppola, I would think of Lost In Translation, rather than that incredibly horrible death scene in The Godfather III.
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QUOTABLE QUOTE

"We don't have a patriot act in the NBA. That means that you're innocent until proven guilty. If every time someone was accused and there were allegations they were required to stop their life, that wouldn't be a good thing."

---NBA Commissioner David Stern
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YOU'RE RELIEVED, MR. PRESIDENT

Like a heroin addict waiting for his next hit, I have been so looking forward to this season's West Wing premier.
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Tuesday, September 23, 2003
 
SURRENDER DOROTHY!

You don't think Media Whores Online is jumping the gun a little bit, do ya? They link to what is a pretty bad poll for President Bush with this ominous prediction:

Poll: Bush Doomed
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Monday, September 22, 2003
 
THE FIRST CASUALTY

I will be the first to admit that most people would wait until actually seeing a TV program before predicting it's demise. That would be the smart thing to do. The wise thing. The reasonable thing. Well smart, wise, and reasonable are hardly adjectives that are seen in the same zip code as me very often, so I proceed fearlessly.

The first show to be cancelled may very well be Two And A Half Men, debuting on CBS this very night. I can only hope the exec who greenlighted this baby is now back in college studying accounting, having decided to leave the entertainment business to the experts (yeah, yeah I see the irony in 'entertainment experts').

You take a hackneyed idea (Wild guy's life changes when family moves in!) and mix in heaping helpings of 'has-beens' and you have yourself this generations Mr. T And Tina.

Charlie Sheen? The last time we saw Chuck (outside of custody) he was hammering in the final nails in Spin City's coffin. Jon Cryer? Dear Lord! The last time he was amusing was Reagan was in office.

First event of note: Charlie didn't take a piece of critical of advice from Blythe Danner very well, so he had her fired. Flex those muscles, Chuck!

The whole thing stinks like old lima bean soup. You'll thank me later for avoiding it now.
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Sunday, September 21, 2003
 
YEAH, THEY DON'T GET ENOUGH ATTENTION!

TV will honor it's own tonight when the 55th annual Emmy Awards show is televised by Fox.

Once again, I will make a point to avoid it like the plague. I treat Awards Shows like reality shows, and the WNBA, in that I simply choose not to recognize them.
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IT'S TIME TO ADMIT A HARD TRUTH

Mike Martz is simply not a good head football coach. Not only because he fearlessly guided the St. Louis Rams to a loss today, despite carrying a 23-10 lead into the 4th quarter, but a review of his coaching career indicates that Martz is in over his head.

His 1st year with the Rams he guided the defending Super Bowl Champions to a disappointing 10-6 finish, and an embarrassing loss at New Orleans in the playoffs.

In his 2nd year Martz, with probably the most talent he's ever had, took the 14-2 Rams to the Super Bowl only to lose to the Patriots, despite being favored by 14 points. Later, Martz admitted he screwed up by not handing the ball to Marshall Faulk more.

Last year, Martz guided the Rams to an 0-5 start, before finishing 7-9 and missing the playoffs altogether.

In the off-season, Martz decides the give QB Kurt Warner a 6 million dollar bonus, and then benches the former MVP after week one.

It's quite clear that the Rams need to get somebody else in charge. Knowing the history of Georgia Frontiere, John Shaw, and the rest of the Rams team management, it may take years before they catch on.
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OH REALLY?

“I would have been a Republican, if Karl Rove had returned my phone calls.”

---General Wesley Clark, in this week's Newsweek cover story.
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STOP IT ALREADY!!

"The business of America is business." said Calvin Coolidge, and I have no complaint with business as a whole. However, if I could wish bankruptcy on any one business, it would Orbitz. How many years do we have to put up with those idiotic pop-ups from them?

I can assure Orbitz that I will live my entire life without ever doing one dollars worth of business with them.

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THE MYTH THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

Last week, Tom Tomorrow, Atrios, and The Daily Kos thought they had caught President Bush in a lie with this letter. Of course, actually reading the letter shows that it's not a lie. Frankly, to anyone with a high school education who carefully reads the letter, it's not even misleading. So, I, among others, corrected the mistake.

Sadly, the next day, Cursor tried to revive the 'Bush lied' story, only to be corrected again.

Thinking this imbroglio had been put to sleep, you can imagine my surprise when the usually reliable Talk Left posted this morning: There can be no question that President Bush said Iraq's involvement with the 9/11 attacks justified our going to war.

I'm stunned (again). I read Talk Left almost every day, and I have to ask: For people who are so smart, how come they aren't that smart?
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