Berry's World
Saturday, July 24, 2004
 
NO LONGER SEARCHING FOR BOBBY FISCHER

According to Salon, there is a whole lot more to the Bobby Fischer story:

That's the morality tale being reported by many news organizations. Consider this action-adventure blurb of a lead, pulled from a Fischer story in last Saturday's Los Angeles Times: "For 12 years he has stayed one move ahead of the U.S. government he despises, always in motion, hard to corner. But U.S. justice may have finally caught up with Bobby Fischer."

"Hard to corner?" Fischer has his own Web site. Fans send him e-mail. He has appeared on 21 live radio interviews in the past five years. Even his private cellphone number has been listed on the Internet. A fifth-grader with a rudimentary knowledge of Google could track down America's notorious grandmaster fugitive in 50 keystrokes or less.

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Friday, July 23, 2004
 
YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE THE NERVE

The Los Angeles Lakers dumped the greatest coach in the history of the league and traded the most dominant center in the league. So, what do they do for an encore?

Raise ticket prices, of course.
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ELECTION DAY USA

If you're looking for something to listen to this weekend, Sea Lion Records has a compilation of 'of ANTI-BUSH, ANTI-WAR music to be released to college and public radio stations during late SUMMER 2004', but you can listen to the 20 songs for free now.

The songs are:

Duct Tape

Code Pink

Kick Out The Republicans

Bad President

Son Of A Bush

Let's Pretend

Consequences

Do You Hear?

Peace Inside

Home No More

I Don't Want To Be A Soldier

Conspiracy Of Silence

Propagandy

Operation Iraqi Liberation

Rogue Nation

Cowboy President

Somewhere Down The Line

Rise Up

Something To Believe In

The War Is Over


You can either listen to the songs or download them, they are all free, and you don't have to fill out anything or sign up for anything. Frankly, it's a pretty good deal, and the music is pretty good too.
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THE NAUGHTY NEWS

Former Radio Personalities Charged In Porn Case

Faulkner County prosecutors on Wednesday charged two former Morning Buzz (KABZ-FM, 103.7) DJs with felonies following a police investigation of the alleged distribution of hardcore pornographic DVDs at Conway on June 27. Phillip Beard 23, whose radio name was Phlip Satchel, and Chris Brown, 47, who formed the Morning Buzz team led by Stanley Knox, were charged with two felonies each, Deputy Prosecutor Angela Byrd said. The charges are classified as unspecified felonies and fall under state code barring possession and distribution of obscene films. Each charge carries penalties of one to five years incarceration and fines of up to $2,000, Byrd said. The charges are based on explicit DVD cover box art and an explicit DVD. More charges could be filed as the case progresses, Byrd said.

J.Lo-Butt Implants Explode!

A woman who yearned to have a bottom as luscious and rounded as the rear end of pop star Jennifer Lopez has found her dreams blasted to smithereens -- after her butt implants exploded! Candy Jones- Davies, 22, vows to sue the hospital where surgeons allegedly pumped the implants so full of curve-creating air, they both blew sky-high -- right on the operating table. And she says a surgical nurse has agreed to testify in her attempt to collect $17.5 million for medical expenses, lost future wages and emotional pain and suffering. "She told me they had just put in the implants, when one of the surgeons -- she's not sure which one, but she knows what he said -- started saying, 'Well, if she wants J.Lo's butt, let's give it to her.' And they pumped more air into the implants. Then another one said, 'Come on, that's nothing, let's go for it.' And they just kept pushing the limit until it all just exploded." Jones-Davies, a receptionist from Pretoria, South Africa, says that before the butt blast, she was on the verge of signing a modeling contract with the talent agency where she works.

Librarian Jailed For Sex With Boys

Vilified in court as a child predator, a reverent Laurie Augustine admitted Tuesday having sex with three students while she worked at Glenbard East High School in Lombard. But the 42-year-old former library aide tearfully denounced her accusers outside court as she prepares to spend the next several years in prison. "I have lost everything," she said of her crumbled marriage, career and reputation. "I kept wondering how much more would be enough for them? Now, it's time away from my children." In a plea deal, Augustine was sentenced Tuesday to nine years and four months in prison. She'll serve about five years, though, under standard sentencing guidelines. Prosecutors maintain the Downers Grove woman used her authority to coerce the boys, ages 16 and 17, into sexual liaisons for several weeks inside the high school, a parked car and area motels. The abuse centered around her relationship with one student, who was enrolled in some learning disability classes.

Man Admits Guilt In Wife's Death During Sex

A Syracuse man has admitted he strangled his wife during a sexual act. Thirty-five-year-old Joseph Micale pleaded guilty to criminally negligent homicide in the December death of his wife, Maureen. Micale originally was charged with second-degree reckless manslaughter, which carries a maximum sentence of up to 15 years in state prison. Instead, Micale will receive five years' probation in September. He must also surrender parental rights to his year-old son. Authorities say Micale strangled his 37-year-old wife by wrapping a telephone cord around her neck during a sexual act. After discovering his wife died, authorities say Micale rearranged the scene to make it appear his wife had committed suicide by hanging herself from a ceiling beam.

Noisy Sex? Only In Certain Hours, Italian Court Rules

An Italian couple has been ordered to have sex only in the daytime after the man's wails of ecstasy provoked complaints from neighbors. Retirees next door, who claimed the grunts equaled decibel levels of a jackhammer, will now be able to sleep soundly after a Rome judge imposed a sex ban from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. on a married couple. This is the third case of roof-raising sex to hit Italian courts in a year; all three judges have imposed a blackout on sonorous love making at night. What's all the noise about? Italy has the fifth-highest population density in Europe and most of those 57 million live in apartment buildings. Regulations on noise, however, are stuck in a post-war time warp. The fine for too many decibels in an apartment building is 100 lire, about 5 cents in euro (as set out in 1942) and unhappy neighbors must go through an already overloaded court system to get justice. Politicians have proposed bills to update fines and develop mediation centers for out-of-court settlements, but have not reached an agreement. In the meantime there are 4.7 million pending cases of apartment-building spats, most of them about noise. Called only 'Signora Carmen,' the woman in the Rome case told Italian media, "This is absurd, you can't limit passion. I think the neighbors are just jealous. I guess we'll go back to having sex in the car and hope we don't get arrested for obscene acts in public."

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PLEASE TIP YOUR WAITRESSES

JAY LENO

Environmentalists are now blasting a proposal by the White House to lift a ban on logging in remote areas of the national forests. The Bush Administration said today, ‘We have to chop these trees down now, because hey, we might not be here next year.’

In a speech the other day to the Amish, President Bush said that God speaks through him. That's what he said. I don't know, do you think God would mispronounce that many words?

Howard Dean was at the Washington, D.C., airport. He's in a pay phone when a thief reached in and swiped his wallet and ran away. ... Usually when a democratic presidential candidate gets robbed it's not until November.

First Lady Laura Bush said the job of being president is not for the faint of heart. How the hell did Dick Cheney qualify?

Well, a lot of Republicans saying that President Bush should drop Dick Cheney from the ticket and replace him with someone who could make President Bush look smarter and more in control. Who would that be, Dan Quayle?

And still a lot of controversy over President Bush's decision not to attend the NAACP convention. See, I don't think Bush gets it. Like they asked him why didn't speak at the NAACP, and he said, ‘You know, I'm just not a fan of college ball.’

I'm sure your environmentalists
heard about this. As you know, the Bush Administration wants to lift a ban on logging. And today, President Bush said that logging is something that should only be done between a man and a woman.

The new acting director of the CIA says although there's no proof Iran was involved in the plot, they allowed eight of the September 11th hijackers across their border the year before the attack. Eight. Hey, so did we. We allowed 11. At least they stopped three of them.

Well, the 9/11 Commission
, now saying Iran, not Iraq, may have been involved in the attack. And in defense, President Bush said, ‘Iran, Iraq. Hey, that's pretty good. I was only off by one letter.’

A little toddler in the former Soviet republic of Georgia has been found with two hearts. Yeah. This baby was born with two complete hearts. And today, Dick Cheney said, ‘Bring me that child! Bring that child to me!’

President Bush said today that he is looking into whether Iran had anything to do with 9/11, but he's not declaring war yet. He said, first, he wants to know all the facts. So apparently, he's trying a new strategy.

Yesterday, of course, the anniversary of Neil Armstrong's walking on the moon. 35 years ago. Hard to believe, isn't it? Yeah, the moonwalk. Well, kind of embarrassing -- when President Bush heard it was the anniversary of the moonwalk, he sent a congratulatory telegram to Michael Jackson.

President Bush said today, because of the war in Iraq and the war on terror, the moon is now safer than it's ever been.

President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas.

The Bush administration announced they want to lift the ban on logging as part of their No Tree Left Behind program.

As you know the presidential conventions are coming up. You know how much time the major networks are going to devote to convention coverage? Three hours. Three hours total. One hour a night for three nights ... to pick a president. That's about one-tenth of the time we devote to finding an 'American Idol.’

CONAN O’BRIEN

This week, President Bush became the first US President to visit Michigan's Upper Peninsula since William Howard Taft. William Howard Taft was the last one to do it. Yeah, when he heard this, President Bush said, ‘Who are they?’

Yesterday, Vice President Dick Cheney attended his 45th high-school reunion. That's right. Not surprisingly during high school Cheney was voted most likely not to live to his 45th high school reunion.

President Bush's daughter Jenna is campaigning with the President now. And today she stuck her tongue out at reporters. Yeah, President Bush was so furious at Jenna's childish behavior, that he called her a ‘doodie head.’

To celebrate the 35th anniversary of the moon landing, President Bush met with Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong. ... There was one awkward moment, when Bush said to Armstrong, 'I hear you're doing great in the Tour-de-France'

CRAIG KILBORN

The Bush twins, I think you heard, are hitting the campaign trail for their dad. Whenever dad is asked a tough question, the Bush twins mud wrestle.

To mark the 35th anniversary of the Apollo mission, President Bush met with Buzz Aldrin. Then he said, ‘Where is Captain Kirk?’
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
 
THERE HAS TO BE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS, DOESN'T THERE?

On August 16th, 2003 former United States Representative Bill Janklow (R-S.D.) ran a stop sign while speeding, and killed Randolph E. Scott.

12 days after former United States Representative Bill Janklow (R-S.D.) killed Randolph E. Scott:

David Volk of Pierre, South Dakota donated $1,000 to Janklow.
Vi Stoia of Aberdeen, South Dakota donated $1,000 to Janklow.
Richard Sayre of Sioux Falls, South Dakota donated $1,000 to Janklow.
William Knese of Watertown, South Dakota donated $300 to Janklow.
Julie Johnson of Mitchell, South Dakota donated $1,000 to Janklow.
Larry Eliason of Pierre, South Dakota donated $300 to Janklow.
John Cooper of Pierre, South Dakota donated $1,000 to Janklow.

45 days after former United States Representative Bill Janklow (R-S.D.) killed Randolph E. Scott:

D. W. Boyer of Rapid City, South Dakota donated $300 to Janklow.

60 days after former United States Representative Bill Janklow (R-S.D.) killed Randolph E. Scott:

Aelred Kurtenbach of Brookings, South Dakota donated $2,000 to Janklow.
Arch Beal of Sioux Falls, South Dakota donated $1,000 to Janklow.

I don't want to be overly cynical, so I'll simply presume that the above folks made similar donations to the Scott family.
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PLACE YOUR BETS

With the release of the 500+ page 9/11 Commission Report, the odds are up on how many pages President George W. Bush will actually read:

President Bush reads 0-50 Pages: 5-2
President Bush reads 51-150 Pages: 8-1
President Bush reads 151-300 Pages: 27-1
President Bush reads 301-500 Pages: 175-1
President Bush reads the entire report: 3500-1

I'll play a hunch and bet 10 bucks that the president will read less than 50 pages.
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004
 
THE TIMING WAS DELICIOUS

The same day I was pointing out President Bush's affinity for the word 'fabulous', he had this exchange with a voter in Cedar Rapids:

AUDIENCE MEMBER: What kind of pets do you have in the White House?

THE PRESIDENT: I can't stand these tough questions. (Laughter.) What kind of pets we got in the White House. (Laughter.) Thank you for asking that question. We have got two. We had three, and unfortunately, little Spot has passed on. It was a sad moment. She is -- interestingly enough, Spot was born in the White House, when Mother and Dad were there. And curiously enough, Spot passed away in the White House, a happy dog. (Laughter.) She was happy. We were sad. We loved her dearly -- 15 years old, I want you to know. Now, we have -- we got two left. The cat has got about nine lives and nine names. (Laughter.) I just call it Willie. Is that all right? Yes. The girls love Willie. And then the all-time great dog, Barney. (Laughter.) Barney -- Barney is a near four-year-old Scottish terrier. Gosh, I'm glad you asked. (Laughter.) He's a fabulous little guy.
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MORE BUSH, AND MUCH LESS KERRY

From MediaChannel.org:

During an average evening newscast in June, the networks were nearly four times as likely to mention President Bush as the Democratic presidential candidate. By contrast, in March of this year, network mention of Senator Kerry (40 percent of all coverage of Kerry, Bush and Ralph Nader) nearly rivaled coverage of incumbent Bush (59 percent).

ABC World News Tonight gave the least attention to Kerry and his campaign in June, devoting only 15.8 percent of its candidate coverage to the Massachusetts senator. In June, the half-hour newscast devoted 83.2 percent of its candidate coverage to Bush, according to the Media Tenor/Media for Democracy data.

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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
 
LIKE SOUTH CAROLINA ON STEROIDS

PBS showed the documentary Last Man Standing tonight, and it was a terrific look at politics in Texas. The film focused, mainly, on the race for state representative between an ethically challenged Republican, Rick Green, and an inexperienced Democrat, Patrick Rose.

Green, the incumbent, seems like a Tom DeLay clone. After one debate with his opponent, Green said to his wife 'Well, I didn't hit him'. That was true, but on Election Day Green did say that he was praying for Rose's destruction.

However, Green saved his best for last. After losing by .94%, Green congratulated Rose, and then said 'I encourage you to study Proverbs 19:9'.

What is Proverbs 19:9?

A false witness shall not be unpunished, and [he that] speaketh lies shall perish.

Rick Green. Classy in defeat.

Paul Begala makes an appearance and comes up with a classic quote:

Texas is a very Republican state. It's South Carolina on steroids.

If you get a chance, Last Man Standing is a really great film.
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HI, GEORGE W. BUSH, RUSH CHAIRMAN, DAMN GLAD TO MEET YOU

Rolling Stone has an interview with Garry Trudeau, who happened to be a Yale classmate of President Bush. Speaking of President Bush, Trudeau says:

Even then he had clearly awesome social skills. Legend has it that he knew the names of all forty-five of his fellow pledges when he rushed Deke. He later became rush chairman of Deke -- I do believe he has the soul of a rush chairman.

I can see that.
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YOU THINKIN' HE WAS DRINKIN'?

Nude Man Caught Covered In Nacho Cheese

A Maryville man spent his 23rd birthday in custody after police said they found him early Sunday running nude from the John Sevier pool snack bar with a box of stolen snacks. Authorities said the man had apparently scaled an 8-foot tall fence while naked and covered in nacho cheese and was seen running toward a Jeep in which officers found clothing and an open bottle of vodka. (Continued)
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ARE YOU FABULOUS?

You know you are really nobody these days unless you are proclaimed 'fabulous' by President Bush:

I'm really proud of my appointment of Gale Norton to the Secretary of the Interior, she is doing a fabulous job.

She's (First Lady Laura Bush) doing a fabulous job.

She is a fabulous wife, a great mother, and a wonderful First Lady.

And what a fabulous, fabulous job she's (First Lady Laura Bush) doing.

I called upon our good Vice President -- and by the way, his health is strong and he's a fabulous Vice President of the United States.

I also am so pleased and thrilled to be with my friend, the Governor (George Pataki), who is doing a fabulous job for the people of New York.
New York Governor George Pataki

He's (Rudi Guliani) done a fabulous job.

It's been a fabulous weekend here in Santa Fe.

It's (the Oval Office) such a fabulous office, by the way.

He's (Senator Jeff Sessions) doing a fabulous job for Alabama.

I've put together a superb team on behalf of the American people, starting with a Birmingham soul, Condi Rice, who is doing a fabulous job.

I nominated a fabulous woman, first-rate woman named Pricilla Owen.


Because we've got a fabulous military, by the way.

Today, I had the honor of going to the University of Minnesota Medical Center, and what a fabulous place that is.

Sadly, despite my repeated requests, President Bush has yet to say that I am a fabulous blogger.

Oh, the shame of it all.
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I'M STILL HOWLING OVER THIS WEEK OLD DOONESBURY

http://doonesbury.msn.com/strip/dailydose/index.html

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Monday, July 19, 2004
 
PLAYING ELECTORAL GOD

A Republican e-mailer sent me a great question, and I'll pass it on to you:

Name the one senator (here's a list) who you would most like to see defeated in 2004.

Of course, there are a couple of conditions. First, it must be a senator seeking re-election, and second, it must be from your party.

My Republican pal says he was tempted to pick Senator Arlen Spector, but thought if Senator Spector lost then Pennsylvania would go to Senator Kerry, so he decided on Senator Judd Gregg. He chose Senator Gregg partly for his unseemly bank-related behavior last year, and partly because he doesn't give a 'fat rat's ass' about New Hampshire.

To be honest, I have to admire the amount of thought his answer required, although I did get a chuckle over the very idea of Senator Spector having the type of coattails that could vault President Bush to victory in the Keystone State.

As for my choice, it didn't take much time to consider, and it wasn't very close at all. If I had to pick a Democratic senator to lose in November, it would be Senator Tom Daschle.
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TODAY'S HELEN THOMAS FIX

From today's press briefing:

Q Prime Minister Blair took full personal responsibility for taking his nation into war under falsehoods -- under reasons that have been determined now to be false. Is President Bush also willing to take full, personal responsibility --

MR. McCLELLAN: I think Prime Minister Blair said that it was the right thing to do; that Saddam Hussein's regime was a threat.

Q Those were not the reasons he took his country into war. It turned out to be untrue, and the same is true for us. Does the President take full, personal responsibility for this war?

MR. McCLELLAN: The issue here is what do you to with a threat in a post-September 11th world? Either you live with a threat, or you confront the threat.

Q There was no threat.

MR. McCLELLAN: The President made the decision to confront the threat.

Q Saddam Hussein did not threaten this country.

MR. McCLELLAN: The world -- the world, the Congress and the administration all disagree. They all recognized that there was a threat posed by Saddam Hussein. When it came to September 11th, that changed the equation. It taught us, as I said --

Q The Intelligence Committee said there was no threat.

MR. McCLELLAN: As I said, it taught us that we must confront threats before it's too late.

Q So the President doesn't take full responsibility?

MR. McCLELLAN: The President already talked about the responsibility for the decisions he's made. He talked about that with Prime Minister Blair.

Q Personal responsibility?

MR. McCLELLAN: Terry, go ahead.
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Sunday, July 18, 2004
 
DON'T BE LIKE MIKE

As Fahrenheit 9/11 approaches the $100 million dollar mark, do you think Disney's Michael Eisner wishes he could have a do-over? Probably so, as it hasn't been the greatest of years for Disney flicks:

The Alamo
(US Gross) $22,367,675
(Budget) $92,000,000

Home On The Range
(US Gross) $49,656,054
(Budget) $110,000,000

Raising Helen
(US Gross) $36,425,010
(Budget) $50,000,000

Around the World in 80 Days
(US Gross) $22,271,008
(Budget) $110,000,000

In Mike's defense, America's Heart And Soul is threatening to crack the elusive $1 million dollar barrier.
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IT MUST RUN IN THE FAMILY

From a Newsweek story on the Cheney clan:

Interviewing Dick and Lynne Cheney at the vice president's mansion, C-Span's Steve Scully asked, "What is it going to take for reporters to stop asking the question whether you are going to be on the ticket?" Cheney muttered, through barely open lips, "In the run-up to the convention, people don't have much to talk about, so you get speculation on that." He laconically added, "When we get to the convention, I think that'll put an end to it." A suitably low-key, dismissive answer. But after the camera was turned off, Lynne Cheney, who had been forcefully interjecting herself throughout the interview, lit into Scully. She chastised the interviewer for questioning her husband's place on the ticket, according to a source who has spoken to the Cheneys. The outburst seemed uncalled for; Scully is about the most mild-mannered, nonconfrontational talk-show host in Washington. Asked about the incident by NEWSWEEK, Mary Matalin, the former White House aide who acts as an informal media and political adviser and part-time spinner for the Cheneys, explained that Mrs. Cheney was irked because the interview had been pitched by C-Span as an "at-home-with-the-Cheneys thing," not as a hard-news interview.
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