Friday, October 22, 2004
TELLING IT LIKE IT REALLY IS
Let me explain something: I don't watch the national news, and I don't read the paper. I haven't done that for the last six weeks. I watch Fox News to get my information.
U.S. Sen. Jim Bunning, October 21, 2004
CONFESSION OF A POLITICAL JUNKIE
Hunter S. Thompson has a great article over at The Smirking Chimp, highlighted by this passage:
Richard Nixon looks like a flaming liberal today, compared to a golem like George Bush. Indeed. Where is Richard Nixon now that we finally need him?
If Nixon were running for president today, he would be seen as a "liberal" candidate, and he would probably win. He was a crook and a bungler, but what the hell? Nixon was a barrel of laughs compared to this gang of thugs from the Halliburton petroleum organization who are running the White House today -- and who will be running it this time next year, if we (the once-proud, once-loved and widely respected "American people") don't rise up like wounded warriors and whack those lying petroleum pimps out of the White House on November 2nd.
Nixon hated running for president during football season, but he did it anyway. Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for -- but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him.
You bet. Richard Nixon would be my Man. He was a crook and a creep and a gin-sot, but on some nights, when he would get hammered and wander around in the streets, he was fun to hang out with. He would wear a silk sweat suit and pull a stocking down over his face so nobody could recognize him. Then we would get in a cab and cruise down to the Watergate Hotel, just for laughs.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
MORE OF THE SAME
I don't know why I was excited about the premier of The West Wing. Considering how staggeringly dull it was last year, I really had no reason to think that there would be any improvement in the show.
However, I was excited, and once again I was utterly bored by the formerly great show. NBC keeps promoting The West Wing with the phrase 'Change Is Coming.' Well, it sure as hell didn't arrive this week.
PLEASE TIP YOUR WAITRESSES
Over the weekend, President Bush told a crowd of supporters in Florida that he is the best protection from the draft. That's not true. Bush's dad was the protection from the draft.
The rumor is that it'll be like the last time. Kerry will win the popular vote and Bush will win the electoral votes. And they say Americans could spend weeks not knowing who's really president, Bush or Kerry. Hey, is that so bad? We spent the last four years not really knowing who's president, Bush or Cheney.
Here's an embarrassing incident. On two Bush, Cheney billboards in New Jersey, Dick Cheney's last name is spelled with an 'a' instead of an 'e.' So apparently Bush really is in charge of his own campaign.
There's a new three strikes and you're out policy. But enough about President Bush in the debates. Let's move on.
I think, even if you're not a fan you must admit, President Bush did a little better in the third debate. Like last night he spoke from the heart. See the last two debates he's tried speaking from the brain. And you see how that works.
President Bush's approval rating has now dropped down to 47 percent. You know that lump on his back? Well, it's moved to his throat.
Bush said to help with the flu vaccine shortage this year, he's not going to get a flu shot. Then he coughed and shook John Kerry's hand four times.
President Bush apparently had a hard time getting past reporters and leaving the auditorium in St. Louis last week at the last debate. How amazing is that? Bush not having an exit strategy. That's amazing.
In a new poll, Nickelodeon asked children who they would vote for in the presidential election and the kids picked John Kerry. Bush was so angry he told the kids tonight they would get a visit from the 'Boogie-Cheney.'
Yesterday, one of Iran's top leaders announced that he wants President Bush to win the election. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'You know, for an evil doer, he's not such a bad guy.’
John Kerry is being accused of using bad grammar to appeal to uneducated voters because yesterday he stopped in a store and asked, 'Can I get me a hunting license here?' After hearing about it President Bush said, 'It should be 'Can me get me a hunting license here?
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says that after he gave a speech at the Republican Convention, his wife, Maria Shriver, was so mad, she wouldn't have sex with him for 14 days. Schwarzenegger said things got so bad he had to call up Bill O'Reilly.
After the debate, Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne, was upset that John Kerry brought up their lesbian daughter. She said, 'The only thing that upsets me more is the fact that I brought up a lesbian daughter.'
At one point I was concerned about Bush ... Did he seem a little confused to you? Because at one point, he called out, 'State capitals for $200, Alex!
There's a photograph of President Bush from the first debate and he's got some kind of lumpy-looking thing on the back of his coat. And rumors are flying that it's some kind of special radio receiver and that he's getting answers from someone backstage. And, wow, it's like he's back at Yale.
IT HAS TO BE SAID
While Senator John Kerry may be thinking it, I'm sure he would never say it, so I'll do it for him.
Teresa, sweetheart, shut the hell up!
MUCH AFLU ABOUT NOTHING
Speaking as somebody who has never, ever gotten a flu shot, I have to wonder if this mad rush for flu shots is simply a result of there being a shortage.
Monday, October 18, 2004
THE WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION...
Been sitting on pins and needles wondering who won the Rock Paper Scissors World Championship? Wait no further, as Lee Rammage of Burlington, Canada won the prestigious title this weekend. Rammage, a 34-year-old father of two, beat Heather Birrell, of Toronto, Canada, by using, according to my unconfirmed sources, the all-powerful Rock to win the title. American Chris Berggren won the bronze medal by finishing 3rd.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
THAT'S MY PRESIDENT
This interesting tale comes from Ron Suskind's very illuminating story in this morning's NY Times Magazine:
In the Oval Office in December 2002, the president met with a few ranking senators and members of the House, both Republicans and Democrats. In those days, there were high hopes that the United States-sponsored ''road map'' for the Israelis and Palestinians would be a pathway to peace, and the discussion that wintry day was, in part, about countries providing peacekeeping forces in the region. The problem, everyone agreed, was that a number of European countries, like France and Germany, had armies that were not trusted by either the Israelis or Palestinians. One congressman -- the Hungarian-born Tom Lantos, a Democrat from California and the only Holocaust survivor in Congress -- mentioned that the Scandinavian countries were viewed more positively. Lantos went on to describe for the president how the Swedish Army might be an ideal candidate to anchor a small peacekeeping force on the West Bank and the Gaza Strip. Sweden has a well-trained force of about 25,000. The president looked at him appraisingly, several people in the room recall.
"I don't know why you're talking about Sweden," Bush said. "They're the neutral one. They don't have an army."
Lantos paused, a little shocked, and offered a gentlemanly reply: "Mr. President, you may have thought that I said Switzerland. They're the ones that are historically neutral, without an army." Then Lantos mentioned, in a gracious aside, that the Swiss do have a tough national guard to protect the country in the event of invasion.
Bush held to his view. "No, no, it's Sweden that has no army."
The room went silent, until someone changed the subject.
A few weeks later, members of Congress and their spouses gathered with administration officials and other dignitaries for the White House Christmas party. The president saw Lantos and grabbed him by the shoulder. "You were right," he said, with bonhomie. "Sweden does have an army."
Well, it turns out that President Bush can admit when he made a mistake.